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March 4, 1999

To My Most Trusted Devotee,
        I, too, pray that anything and everything we share is for our eyes only!
Your expressions are truly felt to the most inner part of my being.  I will never be able to describe the feelings I get, just thinking about our treasured times together makes me, makes me have that aching need.   That ‘need’ scares me.
The need to be touched, held, caressed, that need of security, the need to tell all is ever growing.  It helps greatly to let out all the pent up feelings I have carried for so long.  Cleansing of the soul.  I feel as though I can tell you anything.  That is what I treasure most about this relationship.  Oh don’t get me wrong I treasure ‘everything’ about this relationship.  But the friendship is the most important…whatever happens always be there for me.  I shall always be here for you.
        Yes, We are very limited by circumstances outside of our control.  And speaking of control.  That scares the hell out of me.  Losing control I mean.  I find that it gets more difficult to stay in control each time we meet.  Jim, I must stay in control...I have to stay in control.  These are the most wonderful times.  mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
        I am so very glad that you have entered into my life, into my soul.  If only it had been at a different time.   We can only fantasize about how it would be like for you to be with me at every waking moment.  These fantasies are so real to me.  I know deep down that you could soothe, no, you do soothe away a lot of the pain…ohhhh I just got lost in your soothing!!!!  Those butterflies are fluttering!  That spell of yours drives me to madness.  How do you do that to me???
        I, too, wish that I could take you in my arms and soothe away all of your hurts.  It saddens my heart to know that you haven’t found comfort in your wife.  Makes me feel guilty that I can find some with my husband.  Although the last couple of times that I have found that comfort with him, you were the one with me.  Shame, shame on me!  Those naughty thoughts again!  And the heat rises!!!
          I am going to have to set a time limit on this computer for me!  I can’t seem to be able to do anything else but sit in front of it checking my emails, checking online statuses, looking at cards and wanting to send them all, and waiting to hear from you.  Is that silly?
         I have got to get my house in order it looks like a tornado went through here. My children need to be brought back in check.  They have been on the loose all day!  And have to get dinner ready.  And then I need to find a little time for a quick nap. I’ll try to have some of those sweet dreams.  Please, teach me how to dream!  But only if you promise there will be no nightmares!

I have to go for now…
I Love You,
“My Sweet”